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| xanga totally changed.. i was dumb enough to try that new look and now im all messed up.. its amazing i found my way to this thing to even blog..sheesh!
But anyways Myspaces blog thing is acting up SOO here I am..Anyway.. Here goes..
SO..
Lately Ive been like super excited.. despite the bit of recent heartache.. its like.. I feel like what I want is SOO close! Ive never ever felt this way before.. Like there were times when I SWORE that I knew that this person was the "one" for me. or that Id marry that person..
But this time it just feels so different.. it feels like its SO close and so soon! Like finally I might step into this new chapter in my life.
I want to go into more detail but i wont just yet.. Dont wanna get my hopes up for nothing you know.. | | |
| Maybe after about 3 days without seeing someone, you realize how much they really mean to you.. Especially if youre used to seeing this person all day everyday.. I took a trip to NY to visit some friends and more importantly, to visit our mother church.. We took a road trip..a 20 hour car ride each way and the whole time, I was on the phone with him.. When I stayed over my friends house, I ended up talking to them about him and then locking myself in her room to talk to him..I did feel bad because these friends went out of their way to see me..But I really missed him! On sunday he was on the phone with me as I walked through the doors of the church and he shared the excitement with me as I described everything to him and passed him around to a bunch of our pastors and friends who had been sent to the NY church. After service we called eachother to talk some more.. That night it was the same..From myspace messaging to a nice long phone call where we really said nothing important.. I loved it..Monday we talked for a little while I was on my way home from NY..And by tuesday, when i was finally home, he called me 15 minutes after school had ended and told me to come over.. Yeah he loves me lol.. Man I couldnt wait to see him tho too! I know its only Wednesday but I feel a change.. for the beeter.. I think me leaving kinda brought us closer in a way.. Since all we had was the phone, we ended up talking on a deeper level and opening up a lil more.. I feel so comfortable with him...I luv him.. | | |
| I thought Id write here since no one really knows me here..and theres no one here who I feel 100% comfortable telling without it getting around to the other girls and around the church.. I made that mistake already.. The people I would trust telling wouldnt share in my excitement because they have their own things going on.. And a diary hidden in a drawer will do me no good.. So Ill just write it here..Away from Myspace..
So theres this guy that I really really like and he really likes me but were not together.. The night we told eachother how we felt..thats just about all we did.. It didnt go any further.. From then on we had spent more time together and got closer...But then there was a season when everyone went into a funk and got nasty attitudes and stuff..My funk happened when I noticed he was in a funk..and it got worse when everyone suddenly stopped talking to me and I didnt know why.. And I dont think he was down with watever reason they had for not talking to me..He had his own stuff going on and because of it, he really didnt talk to me either.. it sucked.. But time passed..actually that whole "lets not talk to Erica" thing lasted just under a week..It was the worst week of my life but when things came out and we understood eachother, we got to be alot closer and me and the guy got close again.. Since then things have been nothing but good.. I mean were not together..But.. Its still fun.. Now were all on spring break.. so we get to spend extra time together..away from everyone else.. Lately its been like.. We see eachother during the day @ church.. The night @ church.. Then in the early hours of the day (aka 1 am) were sneaking outside and walking around..well he sneaks..My mom knows and if she didnt know then I would sneak and tell her the next day.. But yeah we hang out till around 3-4 am before going home (We live literally a few houses down from eachother) Last night though was kinda cold.. So we were out, me him and his sis..then we went to his place for a movie..then back outside and to my place.. His sis got a call and stood outside on the phone and my mom who knew we were here, fell asleep on the sofa downstairs.. Shes so cool she let me and him up in my room alone lol.. But it was completely innocent I swear. I was on my bed and he was using the laptop on the floor right next to me. Then he finished..got up and came over to me to give me a kiss..on the cheek.. but in that moment..i dunno.. I wanted to kiss him..
I never thought I would WANT to kiss someone.. Like I thought it was weird when my ex told me "I REALLY wanna kiss you" I was like..How does THAT feeling start? How do you just want to kiss someone? I didnt get it..Now I do.. I wanna kiss him and I wanna be with him.. I wanna make it official.. Only.. I wouldnt want it to mess with our work relationship or with our work performance.. And in the school, hes a student and I teach 2nd grade... The whole teacher student thing doesnt make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.. The fact that hes younger than me by 4 years doesnt bother me.. But I dont wanna be known as a cradle snatcher...or snadle cratcher as my mom says lol..But hey she passed it on to me because shes going through the same thing..And hers is younger by almost 20 yrs so... Like mother like daughter right? lol
But sheesh I cant believe that I like this guy more and more each day and everytime he does something that I cant do I admire him so much more and seeing his face is like an explosion of love inside of me.. I just cant explain how im so into him its rediculous..
Kita. | | |
| Yes next month makes 1 year at the church..my spiritua birthday.. I cant believe its only been a year.. already? It feels like its been so long but yet so little.. its weird..Ive grown so much and Ive changed so much.. I read a few of my past entries here and the things I wrote..stupid.. Ive definately grown and matured at least a little more lol!
Some people didnt like the change in me.. Ive lost a few friends.. BUT Ive gained some new ones too. Friends who will walk side by side with me and make sure Ive got my eye on the prize..
I like someone :)
Yes.. I do.. BUT I dont wanna brag all about it in a blog like I used to with any other guy i thought I liked.. Hes too special for that..But I really do like him..
Im out of school and out of work..BUT I work as a teacher lol..ironic kinda huh? I teach the 2-4 graders at the school @ church..Its volunteer work but it pays..It might not make sense to most but believe me working all day with kids for free Pays off big time in grace and blessings..
Gods blessing us with an apt close to church.. its a 5 minute walk away.. Hes blessing me with 3 new chicks lol.. 3..the number of the trinity.. 3 firtile eggs in Babys clutch of 5.. Only about 2 more weeks till the pitter patter of tiel feet can be heard..
Disney is over for me..I was fired over the summer.. that was that.. I was happy to leave that hell hole..
And thats pretty much my update..till next year probably lol!
God Bless!
<3 Kita | | |
| Well Im happy to say that I started school (FINALLY) and I like it for the most part. Last night I dropped one of my classes though because the workload with all of my classes combined is too much for me and that class, US Government, is a subject thats kinda hard for me anyway so I figure Ill take it again next term or something so that I can REALLY focus on it better because I just cant get with government.. I think I hate it more than math (gasp!)...
Work has been ok too I guess.. Not this past weekend but the one before that I had off both days and it was the most relaxing thing ever! Saturday was Crossroads, our talent show and it was great and then Sundays I have off now for church. That weekend was just perfect... But I work friday nights and saturday mornings now and it feels like bleh.. like Im not even that into working anymore.. But when I do get there its ok but there is no motivation for work besides the fact that it pays.....
Now Church has been GREAT! I am in love with church! And I know I have my moments once in a while where mom or renee n iris will call me n tell me theyre comming to pick me up to go to church and Im not really FEELING it but when I get there Im glad I did because its just so good. I found out that someone from church sorta likes me and Ima admit that I started thinkin about him too for a second there.. and I was happy cuz he goes to church and I thought maybe this was a good thing and when I prayed I thanked Jesus for that person.. Well I think I got it all mixed up and Jesus got my back big time. See as I was talking to this person from church, Kathy came and pulled me away. She asked if I liked him n I said "hmm..i dunno..maybe?" N she was like "Noooo!" my first thought was that her or someone else liked him. But then she started telling me that we just werent on the same level and that I was way better than him. I still didnt understand. At this point the guy was sort of hovering around us and out of nowhere Chas came and grabbed my arm and pulled me allllllll the way to the other end of the lobby. She goes "That was a test to see what he would do if I pulled you away.." And when I looked over at him he was no longer next to Kathy, he was on the other end of the lobby chatting with his peeps. Chas took me with her into the arena and we had a long talk about him and basically to make that long story short, he tends to like the new girls and he has succeeded in getting them.. She said it wouldnt have really been a problem that he is talking to me now IF they hadnt seen it happen over and over and over again. I was so happy that Chas was telling me all of this and I knew that it had to have been God because How was Chas to know that she pulled me out of the same exact conversation with Kathy.. and they didnt plan it either. Couple days later I had already known the deal about this person but that doesnt mean im gonna stop talking to him all together right? Well we were stiiting at one of the tables talking and I know he was dropping hints like crazy like "so far away?" is what he said when I sat across from him insteada next to him... Anyways we were talking and I know he wanted a response from me like a flirt back or something but because I knew the deal and because I didnt wanna make his head big I just kinda shut up and tried to ignore it.. (cuz lemme tell you, to any regular person Ill innocently flirt back..untill I find out that they like me) Anyways Danielle came up to me and asked to steal me for a "minute" She goes "Im saving you from the hungry Aligator!" I love how everyone loves me enough to pull me away from him because obviously this guy must have done this LOTS of times and everyone knows it.. I know that another girl was hovering around me and made a face at me too..Man I really need to talk to this guy though..BUT before mom found out about his ways, she had invited him to the house today when everyone else comes over tonight.. So he will definately be here..Oh God help me.......
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